7 SECRETS TO "STAYING SANE" DURING THE HOLIDAYS!

SECRET #1 – Keep it SIMPLE.  Focus on the “true meaning” of the holiday season, not on your “shopping and to-do list”.  Cherish the important people and things in your life and be thankful for all of your blessings.  Fill your life with more “meaning”, instead of more “stuff”. 

SECRET #2 – Find JOY in the moment.  We call today the “present” because it is a gift that should not be wasted.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring?  Do not rush through life or you will miss its daily miracles.  Take the time to enjoy all of the things you love- read an inspiring book, savor a great cup of coffee, take a nap, and pause to admire the beauty life has to offer.  Carpe diem ~ Seize the day!

SECRET #3 – Take CARE of you.  If you do not take care of you, no one else will.  The better we take care of ourselves, the better we can take care of everything else in our life.  Have you exercised lately?  Do you eat healthy?  Our body is our one and only vehicle through life- how are you honoring it?

SECRET #4 – Find BALANCE in your life.  No one ever looks back at their life and wishes that they worked more.  Make the time to have fun, play, laugh, and relax.  How much vacation time did you take this year?  Did you do anything just for you?  Stress is the #1 killer and cause of disease.  Make YOU the #1 priority in your life.

SECRET #5 – Learn how to say NO.   Do things because you truly want to, not because you have to.  Honor yourself enough to say no to the things that do not feel right.  There are only 24 hours in a day- how are you spending them?  Life is too short to be living it for everyone else but you. 

SECRET #6 – Surround yourself with POSITIVITY.  The force of positive thinking is more powerful than we know.  Fill your head with positive thoughts and your life with positive people.  Get rid of toxic relationships in your life.  Relationships should be reciprocal.  Are your relationships lifting you up or bringing you down? 

SECRET #7 – Spend QUIET time alone.  Even if it is just a few stolen moments a day, carve out some quiet time just for you.  Create a place in your house that is JUST yours and make it your own personal sanctuary.  Fill it with all of your favorite things.  Spend quiet time reflecting on the past, enjoying the present, and looking forward to a bright future.

Do you have any tips that you want to share????  I would love to hear them!

Best regards,

Dari

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

©2010 Copyright Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

Inspiring words that will lift your spirits this holiday season!

Feel the JOY!

It is hard to believe that the holidays are upon us once again.  Where has the year gone?  For many, it has been a difficult year filled with financial, emotional, and physical burdens.  Are you staring at bills you are unable to pay?  Are you worried about where you will get the money for holiday shopping?  Are you stressed that you might get laid off from a job that is keeping you afloat?  Or have you lost a job?  These are all very tangible concerns in an unsettling economic time.   

Years ago, people led very simple lives.  They were happy with the basics and a few frills here and there.  People worked hard and saved most of what they earned for a “rainy” day.  They paid for their possessions with money, not credit and had the mindset that if you can’t pay for it with cash then you shouldn’t have it.  When you have less, you appreciate and value what you do have more.  Have you ever noticed that kids today don’t always appreciate all of the wonderful things their parents so graciously provide for them?  They often expect it or feel entitled to it without working hard to earn it themselves.  Real JOY comes from the satisfaction of earning what you want and working hard to achieve the goals you set for yourself.                   

So how do you possibly feel the JOY during such an uncertain economy?  As a counselor and coach, I teach people how to focus on the positive instead of the negative.  How to be grateful for what you have and not sad about what you don’t.  I’ve learned over the years that life is made up of choices.  You choose what you fill your mind with, what you fill your body with, what you fill your spirit with, and what you fill your time with.  Most importantly, you choose your attitude, which ultimately determines your current level of happiness.  Ask yourself these important questions and spend a few minutes writing down your answers:

1-      What brings you JOY in your life?

2-      Who brings you JOY in your life?

3-      What steals your JOY from your life?

4-      Who steals your JOY from your life?

5-      How can you add more JOY to your life on a daily basis?

The real JOYS of the holiday season are the gifts you already have in your life- your family, your children, your friends, your loveable pets, and all of the meaningful moments you have been blessed with.  Everyone has something they can be thankful for- a beautiful sunset, a warm hug from a child or grandchild, a yummy cup of hot cocoa, a sweet treat, a friendly gesture from a stranger or whatever it is that brings you JOY.  This season spend time focusing on the true meaning of the holiday that you are celebrating, whether it is Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, or New Years.  It is not about how much money you spend or what you buy- it is about the “JOY filled moments” spent with the people you love and who love you.  Feel the JOY this holiday season and best wishes for a happy, healthy & JOYFUL New Year in 2011! 

All my best,

Dari Joy Dyrness-Olsen

How to Make the Holiday Special with the Person You Love!

     I had a client ask me today how she could make the holiday special for her and her boyfriend.  I thought what a great question to share with you today!  It is funny how the holidays are supposed to be filled with special memories and instead they are often filled with tons of STRESS!  Over the years we have gotten away from the true meaning of the holidays & it has turned into a commerical nightmare.  No matter what your religious beliefs, this should be a time of personal & spiritual reflection on your past, present & future.  Not stressing out over shopping, wrapping, cleaning, baking, and the list goes on and on.  So back to the question at hand....there are a lot of great things you can do to make this holiday your most SPECIAL yet with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife.  Here are a few ideas...
1- Start a new holiday tradition.  Maybe go see the Christmas Tree in NYC at Rockefeller Center (or somewhere local to where you are).  Or go visit a place you have never gone before & make sure to take some pictures to capture the memory forever! xoxo 
2- Get a group together and go Christmas Carolling & then have a party afterwards.
3- Need help decorating your Christmas Tree- have a tree trimming party.  Have everyone bring an ornament.
4- Write a special love letter to each other and read them to each other in a special place- perhaps underneath the mistletoe!
5- Make gifts for each other.  A great idea is to put your picture as a couple in an ornament to hang on your tree.
6- Make a picture album or scrapbook for your significant other of favorite memories together.

     Those are just a few ideas...but the most important point of my blog today is to make sure you are creating "meaning" in your holiday.  Make it special and personal.  These are memories that will last forever.  The holidays are not about presents....it is more about your PRESENCE in the moment.  Best wishes for the most SPECIAL holiday yet with your loved ones! xoxoDari

How to make the RIGHT person fall in LOVE with you in 30 days or less!

How to make the RIGHT person fall in LOVE with you in 30 days or less!

1- LOVE YOURSELF- Until you fall in love with YOU, then the RIGHT person won't be able to fall in love with you.  If you don't love yourself, then no one else can possibly love you in a HEALTHY way.  The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.  When you love yourself, then the RIGHT person will fall in love with you.  If you are having trouble feeling good about yourself, then make an appointment with a counselor or coach to help you! 
2-  SET THE BAR HIGH - Make sure you are setting high standards in your life for a girlfriend,boyfriend, or spouse- they should treat you like gold ALL OF THE TIME.  They should NEVER be mean or say mean things to you.  You should not fight all of the time.  Falling in love should feel GOOD not bad.  If it feels bad, then they are not the RIGHT person!
3 - BE YOURSELF- Don't try to be something or someone that you are not just to "impress" or make someone like you.  You should be able to be YOU and if they are the RIGHT person then they will LOVE you just the way you are.  If they don't love you, then they are NOT the right person.  (The right person will love you in your sweatpants, messy hair, and no make-up.) 
4-  BE CONFIDENT - People are attracted to CONFIDENCE and want to be around people who feel good about themselves.  If you don't feel confident, then fake it until you do.  Imagine yourself walking into a room...head up...shoulders back....and owning who you are & what you stand for.  The more you practice, the quicker it will become your reality.  You can do it...I know you can!
5-  BE INTERESTING - Develop yourself into an awesome & interesting person by taking fun classes, having hobblies, setting goals, and working towards your dreams.  Don't just revolve your whole life around who you are in love with.  That makes you BORING!  Boyfriends & girlfriends will come and go, but you only have 1 future.  The more interesting things you like and do, the more you have to talk about with the RIGHT person for you. 
6 - BE THE BEST YOU CAN BE - The better you look, the better you feel.  Do you have healthy habits?  Do you eat healthy?  Do you exercise?  Do you have a positive attitude?  Do you feel good about yourself & your life?  Do you take good care of yourself mentally, physically & spiritually?  You only have 1 body, so you have to take really good care of it.  The better you feel, the more confident you are and the quicker you will attract the RIGHT person to fall in love with you.
7 - BE FRIENDS FIRST!  No relationship ever works out long term if you are not FRIENDS FIRST.  You can't start off hooking up with someone and then expect to have a long term relationship.  Sorry, but it does NOT work like that.  Great relationships are built on a strong foundation of friendship FIRST. 

If you follow my 7 SECRETS...then you are surely going to make the RIGHT person fall in LOVE with you in 30 days or less.
Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Dari
xoxo
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

America's Safe Dating Coach: New Jersey "Safe Dating Law"

America's Safe Dating Coach: New Jersey "Safe Dating Law": " I am so happy to announce that we are currently in the process in NJ of passing the SAFE DATING LAW. I propos..."

New Jersey "Safe Dating Law"

     I am so happy to announce that we are currently in the process in NJ of passing the SAFE DATING LAW.  I proposed this new law to NJ legislators last May just a few short days after the tragic murder of Univeristy of Virginia's Yeardley Love, a graduating Senior & star lacrosse player.  Her ex-boyfriend broke into her apartment while she was sleeping and allegedly beat her to death.  Her roommates found her body the next morning laying in a pool of blood.  Friends and family sadly report that she had been in an abusive dating relationship with her boyfriend on and off for years. 
     This example is just one of many unfortunately.  I am the NJ State Action Leader for the Love is Not Abuse Coalition sponsored by Liz Claiborne and we are working toward having EVERY state pass the SAFE DATING LAW.  This new law will require all public middle & high schools to add SAFE DATING to their annual health curriculum and also develop a DATING VIOLENCE POLICY.  The SAFE DATING LAW is a WIN-WIN for New Jersey because the curriculum is FREE and the online staff training is FREE sponsored by Liz Claiborne.  This legislation is bi-partisan and we are hoping that it will pass through the Assembly & Senate as quickly as possible early in 2011. 
     The most important thing you need to know is that the SAFE DATING LAW will teach kids how to have healthy relationships.  Relationships are the foundation of our lives, whether it is with ourselves, our family, friends, or intimate partners.  There is nothing more important in life than learning how to have healthy relationships.  No one should ever be MEAN to you.  Dating abuse and bullying (which is a very hot topic right now) are really the same thing.  Dating abuse is when you are "bullied" in a relationship.  Being bullied is when someone is being mean to you. 
     YOU can help by spreading the word.  If you know any local NJ legislators, please ask them to support the SAFE DATING BILL (A2920).  If you don't live in NJ, find out what the current legislation is in your state.  If there is none, please contact your local legislators & tell them that you want the same law passed in your state, where SAFE DATING EDUCATION will be required & mandatory.  This new law will save lives.  How many more girls & women need to lose their lives before we take this issue seriously and do something to PREVENT it??? 
     Let me know what you think about this topic?   
 
        

America's Safe Dating Coach: Are you in love? Take the test...

America's Safe Dating Coach: Are you in love? Take the test...: " Are you in love? Is it 'real love'? Most of us ask ourselves that question multiple times throughout ou..."

Are you in love? Take the test...

     Are you in love?  Is it "real love"?  Most of us ask ourselves that question multiple times throughout our lifetime.  People ask me all of the time how they will know if it is "real love" vs. (for lack of a better word) "fake or unhealthy love".  What I know for sure is that real love is RESPECTFUL.  Your partner should treat you with respect and be nice to you ALL of the time, not just some of the time.  They should make you feel good about yourself & your life.  Real love is when you have an EQUAL partnership and no one is "in charge" of the other person.  You share the responsibilities of real life happily together- washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning, working, child rearing, etc.  Real love is based on HONESTY.  Your other half should never lie to you or cheat on you.  I firmly believe that once a liar & cheater...always a liar & cheater.  People generally don't change, just like a leopard does not change it's spots.  When you are in a healthy relationship, your partner shows you SUPPORT in whatever you set out to do.  They want to see you grow & become the person you were meant to be, not stifle you.   Real love is RESPONSIBLE  meaning that they have a job and are contributing to the relationship financially, emotionally, and physically.  They are responsible in their personal life, as well as their professional life.  If your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't responsible while you are dating them, then they will definitely not be responsible while you are married to them.  Again...leopards don't change their spots.  The best predictor of how someone will be in the future is looking at their present & past life.  Real love requires that person being your FRIEND, not just your lover.  You have to actually like them as a person, not just be head over heals blinded by love.  If you have those 6 things...then congratulations...you are in REAL LOVE!  xoxo

America's Safe Dating Coach: Love is not abuse

America's Safe Dating Coach: Love is not abuse: " Unfortunately, dating abuse has become the norm in society today. Liz Claiborne did a study in 2009 that repo..."

Love is not abuse

     Unfortunately, dating abuse has become the norm in society today.  Liz Claiborne did a study in 2009 that reported 1 in 3 teens is in an abusive dating relationship.  I know because I see it every day in the clients that I coach & counsel in my Safe Dating Program.  Sadly, the word "abuse" has a social stigma around it where no one wants to admit that they are actually being "abused" or even talk about it.  Relationships do NOT start off abusive- eventually the mean behaviors start rearing their ugly head and before you know it, you have found yourself in an unhealthy relationship.  This can happen to ANYONE.  Everyone can relate to finding yourself in a bad relationship at some point of their lives.  So I want to make it very simple for everyone who reads this blog.  Abuse is when your boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife is MEAN to you.  What I want you to know is that it is NOT YOUR FAULT!  Abuse can be verbal- where they say mean things, put you down, and make you feel bad about yourself, it can be emotional- where they make you feel like everything is your fault even though it is not, abuse can be digital- where they are texting or IM'g you constantly wondering where you are, what you are doing, who you are talking to, etc., abuse can be sexual- where they make you do sexual things that you don't want to & make you feel ashamed, abuse can also be financial- where they spend all of your money or make you give them all of your money, and of course abuse can be physical- where they physically harm you or manipulate you.  Abuse is all about power & control over you.  The longer you are in the relationship, the lower your self-esteem gets and the harder it is to get out of it.  But you CAN get out of it.  I have helped tons of people successfully get out of abusive relationships.  Please know that the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you break up.  You MUST have a SAFETY PLAN.  30% of girls & women in this country are murdered by boyfriends or husbands according to the FBI.  For more information about dating abuse go to http://www.safedatingcoach.com/.  To your safety- Dari

It's Time To Talk Day!

Tomorrow is Liz Claiborne's "It's Time To Talk Day".  What are you doing to get people talking about dating abuse and domestic violence?  I will be one of the national leading experts interviewed tomorrow at Liz Claiborne's headquarters in NYC.  I am the New Jersey State Action Leader for the Love is Not Abuse Coalition.  New Jersey is very close to passing the "Safe Dating Law", which is going to require all public middle and high schools to add Safe Dating to their annual health curriculum.  The curriculum and online staff training is all FREE sponsored by Liz Claiborne.  I have spent the last 10 years of my counseling career http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/  specializing in date rape & dating abuse.  My current focus is on EDUCATION because I truly believe that education is the key to prevention.  When you know better you do better.  My goal is to educate, empower, and inspire ALL women to date safely and to create a world where dating abuse & date rape is neither tolerated or accepted.  I will be talking about my brand new book Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships at the press conference tomorrow.  Tune in and make sure you TALK to someone you love about making sure their relationship is healthy!