Giving 'Presence' this Holiday Season!

Giving ‘Presence’ this Holiday Season!

            It is hard not to get caught up in the stress of endless holiday to-do lists:  shopping, holiday cards, cleaning, decorating, wrapping, cooking and preparing.  During the hustle and bustle, we often lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays we are celebrating, whether it is Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Christmas. 

            In Hebrew, the word "Hanukkah" means “dedication.” The name reminds us that this holiday commemorates the re-dedication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem following the Jewish victory over the Syrian-Greeks in 165 B.C.E. It is celebrated for eight days in honor of the Jewish victory and the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days to rededicate the temple.

Kwanzaa is an African-American holiday celebrated mainly in America during the week between 26th December and 1st January each year.  The holiday was established in 1966 to help African Americans remember and celebrate their heritage. The word "Kwanzaa" comes from the Swahili language and means "first fruits". Each day of the seven days is dedicated to one of "The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa".

            The Christmas story is the story of the birth of Jesus Christ in the town of Bethlehem, Israel. Jesus "Christ" is known as the founder or central figure of "Christianity." Christmas is a Christian holiday on December 25 that commemorates the birth of Jesus.

            Life is truly a gift, that is why it is called the present.  I believe that the ultimate goal in life is to be ‘present’.  To live in the moment and actually enjoy it, not fretting over the past or worried about the future.  Not getting sucked up in the fast-paced current of life.  Learning how to focus on the here and now.  Our lives pass us by in the blink of an eye.  Days turn into months, which quickly turn into years.  Before you know it, you wake up one day and look yourself in the mirror and ask, “Where has the time gone?”

            My gift to you this holiday season is to encourage you to stop for a few minutes…take a deep breath…and slow down.  Get out a pad of paper and write down your ‘Bucket List’, which is all of the things you want to do before you kick the proverbial bucket.  Now write down on top of a sheet of paper “I Want…” and keep writing until you can’t think of anything else.   What do you want for your life?  Are you living the life you thought you would?  If not, how could you?  What makes you happy?  What makes you unhappy?  What do you need in your life?

Make time to “stop and smell the roses” before they are gone.  Stop trying to produce holidays that you barely remember until you develop your pictures.  Learn how to be present for yourself, first and foremost, and then for those you love and care about.  If you are religious, be present to your higher power, which is the reason you are celebrating the holiday in the first place.

            Somehow we have veered off course and holidays have turned into a frenzy of expensive gift giving, consumerism and commercialism.  The gifts are piled high up in front of the tree, only to be torn open, maybe appreciated, used temporarily, and forgotten about by the time the credit card bill arrives in January. 

            Try as we might, we can’t take our stuff with us when we go.  Many people think the meaning of life is stuff.  They keep acquiring all of these worldly possessions and are still not happy.  Counseling clients say to me all of the time, “I will be happy when I get married, I will be happy when I have a baby, I will be happy when I buy a house.”  But happiness eludes them because they are chasing it.  The secret is to be happy right now and grateful for all of the wonderful things you already have. 

            Soul-filled moments and memories are the meaning of life, not rushing through our lives producing moments that we barely remember because we are so stressed out.  It is easy to wrap up a gift and give it to someone.  However, it is much more memorable and meaningful to slow down and give them the gift of your presence.  Instead of exchanging gifts, go out to lunch, cook them a special meal, make a homemade gift or frame a special picture. 

Instead of stuffing your stockings with gifts, stuff them with little promise notes like:  Play a board game with mom, Read a book with dad, Bake brownies together, collect sea shells at the beach, etc.  Time spent with those you love is priceless and so are the memories.  Give the gift of your ‘Presence’ this holiday season and I promise it will be your best one yet!

All my best,

Dari

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

Owner of Express Yourself Today Counseling Center in New Jersey

http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/

dari@expressyourselftoday.com

Tribute to Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

Hi everyone,
Please click on the link below to read my latest article for Domestic Violence Awareness Month:

http://www.dailyrecord.com/article/20111023/NJOPINION03/310230022/Combating-relationship-violence-one-conversation-at-a-time

Feel free to repost & share with others.  Thank you so much for your support!
Best regards,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

America's Safe Dating Coach: Do YOU know about this?

America's Safe Dating Coach: Do YOU know about this?

Do YOU know about this?

Do YOU know the #1 way to prevent date rape in college?

Are YOU partying safe as a college woman?

Your college experience is supposed to be about learning, pursuing a future career, and having FUN! For many women, college is the first time spent away from the close watchful eyes of parents, friends, and family. This is your chance to step out of your comfort zone and experience new things.  When it comes to having fun, the buddy system is an absolute must to keep you safe.  There is always safety in numbers.  Go out as a group or at least with one other friend with the understanding that you will watch out for each other.  As women, we should be watching out for all other women.  We have to stick together- even if you are not “friends” with someone.  If you see or even hear about something that should not be going on, you should do whatever you can to stop it or report it immediately.  When people don’t report things, it allows it to continue.   

Unfortunately, just being a woman puts you at risk and makes you vulnerable.  The Centers for Disease Control report that about 1 in 4 college women is at risk to be date raped.  There are a lot of sick guys out there that get off on drugging girls and date raping them.  I absolutely don’t want that to happen to you.  Never ever go out or to a party alone!!!  Everyone wants to think that it won’t happen to them, but it does.  Just ask a woman who has been raped.  Going out alone makes you an instant target and puts you in immediate danger.  If something happens, there will be no one there to help you or protect you. 

College Party Rules:

·         Be safe & have LOTS of fun! J

·         Always charge your cell  phone before you go out. (A cell phone is no good unless it works!)

·         Carry pepper spray & know how to use it.  (Better to be safe than sorry.)

·         Put a whistle on your key chain that you can blow if someone attacks you.

·         Never go out or to a social function alone.

·         Never leave alone. If you arrive with friends, stay with them, and leave with them.

·         Always watch out for each other- all women must stick together!

·         At night, do not walk alone- call campus security to escort you to wherever you need to go.

·         At night, walk in well-lit areas & don’t wear earphones or talk/text on your cell phone.

·         Do not go outside in public with an open container of alcohol.

·         Do not drive or ride your bike while intoxicated (you can get a DUI or a BUI).

·         Be quiet & respectful of the community around you.

·         Call 911 if you feel like you or someone else is in danger

Please support the work that I do on FACEBOOK with keeping girls & women safe by clicking on the link below & "LIKE" my facebook page for America's Safe Dating Coach.  Thanks so much....I really appreciate it!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Americas-Safe-Dating-Coach/184015558275256

Best wishes for staying safe & having fun!
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
Celebrity Author, National Speaker,  Licensed Professional Counselor
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

The Profile of Who Date Rapes in College!

There are a lot of personality characteristics that contribute to date rape in college or anywhere for that matter.  Some guys falsely believe that they should be the “aggressor” and the woman should be “passive”.  He might want to “dominate” you or always be in charge.  A guy might think that you are playing hard to get and that “no” really means “yes”.  Miscommunication often happens between guys and girls, especially when it comes to sex.

Guys who commit date rape:

·         Don’t respect your personal space and get way too close and/or touch your body. (Very touchy feely)

·         Don’t listen to you, talk over you, ignore you, and don’t respect what you say or think.

·         Don’t have respect for women in general.

·         Don’t really like women.

·         Don’t like or respect their own mother.

·         Express anger & hostility towards women.

·         Use guilt or make you feel uptight if you resist them sexually.

·         Don’t respect what you want or how you feel.

·         Excessively jealous, possessive, and controlling.

·         Have traditional views of women & men- “Women are there to serve men”.

·         Think of women as “possessions”, “property”, and “sex objects” not human beings.

·         Abuse drugs & alcohol and don’t know their limit.

·         Turn into a “nasty drunk” who can become violent, angry, and sexually aggressive if he doesn’t get his way.

·         Accuse you of cheating or flirting.

·         Likes to be in charge and make all of the decisions- where to go, what to do, etc.

·         Feels very entitled to get what he wants when he wants.

Anyone can turn into a date rapist, even a really nice guy.  However, these are definitely the warning signals to watch out for.  The most important thing to remember is to never go anywhere alone with a guy and no means no!

If you liked what you read so far...click on the link below to get more life-saving information:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=safe%20dating%20for%20college%20women&typ=Title

In your Safety,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

How to Prevent Date Rape for College Women!

As women, you are taught to watch out for stranger danger, when you should also be watching out for people you know.  According to the Centers for Disease Control, 20-25% of college women have reported experiencing an attempted or a completed rape. (www.cdc.gov)  Date rape is the highest unreported crime on college campuses & freshmen are at the highest risk within the first few weeks of school.  Date rape is when someone you know forces you to have unwanted sexual contact, which can be vaginal, oral, or anal.  Date rape is “non-consensual” sexual contact, which means that you did not say YES.  A date rape victim is unable to consent when they are under age or have diminished mental capacity- which can mean a victim who is drugged, drunk, high, unconscious, or has a developmental disability.  A rapist can be your boyfriend, fiancé, friend, acquaintance, classmate, professor, coworker, boss, family member, neighbor, or a complete stranger.  You have the right to say NO, even if you have had consensual sex with this person before.  No one is ever entitled to have sexual contact with you WITHOUT your consent.  Even if you are drinking alcohol and under 21 years old, it is still considered illegal rape.

What most women don’t realize is that most rapes are committed by people that the victim knows.  Date rape is NEVER your fault- even if you were drinking, drugged, flirting, or leading a guy on.  Date rape is an illegal crime, as well as unwanted sexual touching and sexual harassment.  If you or someone you know has been raped, please report it not only to the campus police, but to the local police as well.  If you don’t report it, then it allows the person to keep raping other women.  It also makes the rapist think that he got away with it once, so he can do it again.  My goal is to create a world where date rape is not tolerated or accepted and I need your help.  The first step is becoming an advocate for change and reporting the date rape.

There are a lot of twisted guys on college campuses who get off on drugging girls and raping them.  Drug-assisted rape is a big problem on college campuses today.  Date rape drugs can be GHB (liquid ectasy), Rohypnol (Roofies), and Ketamine (Special K).  These drugs can be put into your drink without you even knowing it because they are odorless, colorless, and tasteless.  They are usually crushed into a powder and added to your alcoholic or nonalcoholic drink.   Common effects of date rape drugs are drowsiness, dizziness, paralysis, confusion, nausea, hallucinations, sense of euphoria, delayed reaction time, blurred vision, blackouts, memory loss, induced coma, and even death.  A drugged victim is completely helpless against a rapist.

It is critical that any investigation into the suspected use of date rape drugs involve an immediate urine test and possible blood test because these drugs are quickly metabolized and eliminated by the body.  Companies around the world are making or trying to make paper coasters or test strips that change color when dabbed with a drink containing a date rape drug.

Tips to prevent being drugged & raped:

• Always go out with a group of friends, stay together & leave together.
• All women need to watch out for each other.
• Never leave alone- call campus security to escort you.
• Do not accept drinks that you did not open or make yourself.
• If beer is being poured out of a keg, make sure you see it being poured & passed to you.
• Never let your drink out of your sight.
• Don’t share drinks with anyone.
• Never leave your drink- even bring it to the bathroom with you.
• If your drink tastes funny, throw it away.  Date rape drugs can taste salty and have excessive foam or residue.
• If you feel “weird” after having a drink, stop drinking immediately and have a friend bring you to the local hospital to be blood tested or dial 911 for an ambulance.  Better to be safe than sorry.

If you liked this, you can read more at.....

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=safe%20dating%20for%20college%20women&typ=Title

To your safety,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

GIRLS ENCOURAGED TO BE SEXY WAY TOO SOON...

     Unfortunately, the media has a very narrow definition of what it means to be a young girl or woman in today's society.  Sadly, I see the effects of this phenomenon every single day in my counseling office, whether it is with girls suffering in silence from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, cutting, low self-esteem, alcohol & drug addiction, dating abuse, or the "mean girl" syndrome. 
     Kids are constantly being bombarded by our oversexualized culture every where they turn and are being encouraged to grow up way too fast.  Gone are the days of enjoying a carefree childhood and having innocent fun.  Here are the days of being addicted to cell phones, computers, and video games, which has caused a huge DISCONNECT from themselves, developing social skills, and the ability to form face to face intimate connections instead of virtual relationships.    
     Movies, television, song lyrics, and video games trivialize sex and it's life altering consequences.  Very rarely do they show unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, or abuse & violence.  Kids are growing up thinking that relationships are fairy tales, until their fantasy inevitably meets reality.
     Young girls are emulating pop stars whose hobbies are getting DUI's, making porn videos, and doing jail time.   And even worse are the parents vicariously living through their kids and encouraging them to "date" at ridiculously young ages to fit in and be popular.  Kids today have unlimited material stuff to fill their lives, yet they are emptier and unhappier than ever before turning to drugs & alcohol in epoch proportions to fill their empty void. 
     The result of  this slippery slope is a whole generation of young women who no longer need to be oppressed by the male race because they are OPPRESSING themselves without even realizing it.  If you have ever watched the spring break videos "Girls Gone Wild" then you know exactly what I'm talking about.  In my opinion, we are undoing what the fearless leaders of the WOMEN'S MOVEMENT fought long & hard for- equal rights with men, equal pay, the right to use birth control, the right to go to college, and the right to vote.  Not so long ago, the only choices for women were becoming teachers, secretaries, or homemakers. 
     Most girls today are treating themselves as nothing more than sex objects, who want to look "hot" for guys.  What they buy, wear, and how they look on the outside is much more important than their moral character, intelligence, personality, hopes, dreams & life purpose.  Most teens & tweens (not all) value social over academic any day of the week.
         FaceBook allows girls to constantly invade each other's personal life and spend the majority of their waking hours competing and fighting against each other for the attention and approval of boys, instead of focusing on their own personal development, their academics, and their futures.  Little do they know that life isn't a fantasy and that reality & relationships are hard work with over a 50% chance of divorce. 
      The internet has provided a culture with no sexual boundaries and our kids are its victims and sadly no one is talking about it.  1 out of 4 kids are sexually abused by the time they are 18 years old and internet pornography addiction is at an all time high.  The other day I was reading a local article about a 24 year-old guy who convinced both girls he was dating to videotape themselves performing sexual acts on their own children.  Now all 3 adults will probably spend the rest of their lives in prison. 
     My goal is to help create a whole new generation of self-confident women, who will lead healthy & happy lives without prioritizing their dating relationships over themselves.  They will no longer base their self-esteem on their "guy du jour".  Their first priority is going to be the relationship they have with themselves.  The young women of today are the bright future of our world.  Every time they respect and honor themselves & their bodies, they are respecting and honoring every woman of the world.
     We, as women, are so much more than our physical bodies.  We have intelligent minds, dynamic voices, strong spirits, and a powerful purpose.  Let's do our daughters, granddaughters, and ourselves a favor by torching this "fairy tale fantasy" and blazing a trail for them to succeed in reality!
All my best,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/
http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/
Author of 3 must-read books-
7 Secrets for Girls
Teen Talk for Parents
Safe Dating for College Women

Who is America's Safe Dating Coach?

7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage!

     Let's face it....the divorce rate is over 50%, so in order to have a Happy Marriage, it is going to take some constant work and attention.  Having a great relationship is like growing a garden.  You need to plant the seeds, water it, weed it, give it daily nurturance & love and then watch it BLOOM. 
Here are my 7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage:

Secret #1- Stay connected- especially AFTER you have kids.  Studies show that with every child you have, your marital satisfaction decreases.  This is because the more kids you have, the less time you have for each other, compared to when you were dating.  Make sure you are having "couple time", as well as "family time".  Your family is only as strong as your marital relationship.  Go on "date night" at least once a month.  Put the kids to bed early & make sure you are having quality time alone together to connect with each other on a regular basis.  Go away on vacation alone as a couple once a year or more if you can.  Get in the habit of making your relationship a priority.  The best gift you can give to your kids is happy parents who love each other.  So many kids don't grow up with healthy relationship role models- how can they possibly have healthy & happy relationships if they have never seen one??? 

Secret #2 - Even after you are married, pretend you are dating.  Remember all of those nice things you used to do for each other when you were dating?  Well... you should still be doing them!  Be romantic, give each other cards for no reason, write each other love letters, meet for lunch while the kids are at school, bring them lunch at work as a surprise.  It doesn't cost money to be romantic.  Be spontaneous so you don't get in a rut.  So many couples fall into a daily rut, stop caring about how they look, stop spending quality time together as a couple, and let life get the best of them.  I hear couples say to me in counseling all of the time that they are "too busy & don't have the time"....you have to MAKE the time.  There is NOTHING more important in life than making time for the person you love.  If you don't, you will either end up in a very unhappy & unsatisfying relationship or become another divorce statistic.

Secret #3 - Kiss & hug every single day.  Happy relationships are physically connected.  When was the last time you "made out" with your spouse?  I bet when you were dating, you kissed & hugged all of the time.  There is nothing more important than touching each other on a regular basis- kiss, hug, hold hands, and the love you feel for each other will keep growing & growing, just like a beautiful garden in full bloom.  And make sure that you are not just doing these things robotically- put some passion, feeling & meaning into it.  This is the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with- if you want to keep your love alive then you need to remember why it is that you fell in love with them in the first place!

Secret #4 - Tell your spouse that you love them at least once a day.  Love is a universal need.  It is so important to remind your spouse that you love them & you appreciate them.  Too many couples take each other for granted.  Our most important need as human beings is to love & be loved.  That is all most people ever want.  What a great gift for yourself & your spouse to say those 3 words every day to each other.  Through better or for worse, through sickness & in health....that is what marriage is supposed to be!

Secret #5 - Focus on the positive stuff & TALK.  Oftentimes, when couples come in for counseling with me their personal needs are not being met.  You have to actually verbalize & tell each other what you need & want and be specific.  We are not mind readers.  Your husband or wife is not going to read your mind and automatically know that they aren't telling you they love you enough, etc.  Let's face it, we can all focus on our partner's flaws, but that will only lead us to divorce court.  We all have positives & negatives.  My advice is to focus on what is good and you will get more good stuff.  Counseling is a great place to work out the negative stuff with someone who is neutral and objective!

Secret #6 - Keep developing yourself.  A lot of marriages fail because one spouse grows & changes as a person and the other one doesn't.  Personal development is a must for not only a healthy & happy marriage, but a healthy & happy individual life.  I tell couples all of the time in counseling that not only do they have to have a life together, but they need to have their own personal life too.  Go out with your friends without your spouse, exercise, have hobbies, take a class at the local college or adult night school, and develop yourself into a healthy & happy individual.  Then when you come together as a couple, you will not only be happy with life, you will have a lot of positive things to talk about! 

Secret #7 - Make time for sex.   As a therapist, couples don't necessarily like to hear this, but in order to have a happy & healthy relationship, you need to have sex on a regular basis.  This is often a hot topic in counseling.  Most couples have different ideas of how much is enough.  This is where you need to negotiate and find a happy medium where both of you are happy & satisfied.  Once you stop having sex, it won't take long before your relationship goes down hill fast and one partner starts cheating to get their needs met outside of the relationship.  Don't let this happen to you.  Marriage is an equal partnership that takes a lot of compromising.  Plan romantic nights into your calendar, so you make sure that it happens! 

I hope that you enjoyed my 7 Secrets for a Happy Marriage.  Feel free to repost & share with your friends & family.  I would love to hear your comments & any secrets you may have for keeping your marriage happy!

All my best,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
America's Safe Dating Coach
Owner of Express Yourself Today Counseling Center in NJ
Author, Speaker, Counselor
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

3 GREAT SUMMER READING FOR THE BEACH:
1- 7 Secrets for Girls ~ Simple Solutions to Survive Boys & Stay Sane
2- Teen Talk for Parents ~ 7 Secrets for Safe, Smart & Successful Teens
3- Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships

Just click on the links below to get your copies:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=safe%20dating%20for%20college%20women&typ=Title

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=teen%20talk&typ=Title

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=7%20secrets%20for%20girls&typ=Title

Do YOU love yourself?

In order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else in your life, you need to learn how to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST (Secret #1 in my book 7 Secrets for Girls!).  I am talking about unconditional love, as is, here and now, no matter what.  Loving yourself is the best gift you could possibly ever give to you.  It seems like such a simple thing, but most people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth, especially girls and women.  If you do not love yourself, then how do you expect someone else to love you the way you deserve to be loved? 

Everyone is born with high self-esteem.  So what the heck happens to it between the time you were young and now?  I will tell you what happened to it.  Over time you receive negative messages from the world, the media, your family, friends, intimate partners, and significant others that chip away at your self-esteem.  Unfortunately, the most important people in your life should be giving you positive reinforcement and feedback and instead they are often very critical and mean.  I say shame on them.  But, you will never know why they act like they do.  Maybe their parents were mean to them and the cycle has just kept repeating itself, which by the way is absolutely no excuse.  Usually people are so unhappy with themselves and their lives that they feel the need to take it out on everyone else around them.  Regardless of the reason for this bad behavior, this is where you need to step in and take back control of your life because we only have one chance to do it right and find happiness.  No one else is going to do it for you.  Today is your day, so let’s get going. 

You need to love yourself no matter what is going on in your life.  It is funny how sometimes you think that if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband that suddenly your life will get better.  Then you finally get one and you are still not happy.  Most people try to replace what is missing within themselves with other people.  It does not work.  The truth is that you need to be happy with yourself and your life today and the rest will fall into place.  If you do not love yourself, no one else will be able to love you properly.  EVERYONE deserves to be loved and treated like gold. 

Do you love yourself?  Do you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror?  Do you say positive things to yourself?  If not and you liked what you read so far, you can definitely learn how to love yourself by clicking on the link below to get a copy of my book 7 SECRETS FOR GIRLS ~ SIMPLE SOLUTIONS TO SURVIVE BOYS & STAY SANE!  I learned how & I can’t wait to teach you…it is so much easier than you think!

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=7%20secrets%20for%20girls&typ=Title

All my best,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

America's Safe Dating Coach

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

NJ Governor Christie signs the Safe Dating Bill into law on May 5, 2011!

      Yesterday Governor Christie signed the NJ SAFE DATING BILL A2920 into law.  I can hardly believe that it is real.  In less than a year, NJ legislators came together and did something great for the kids of NJ.  A2920 requires all middle and high schools, grades 7-12, to add SAFE DATING to their annual health curriculum.  The curriculum is free and the online staff training is free, sponsored by Love is Not Abuse.  Basically they will learn what dating abuse is and how to protect themselves against it. 
     Most people don't realize the dangers that surround dating.  I do because I own a counseling center in NJ called Express Yourself Today http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/ and I specialize in treating dating abuse and date rape victims.  Dating abuse has become a national health crisis and has slowly become the norm in our society.
     So many people ask me on a daily basis why that is?  It is because kids do not know what a healthy relationship is and is not, whether it is because they have divorced parents, single parents, or a result of violence in society today.  Sadly, girls don't realize that their boyfriends shouldn't call them names, be mean to them, and try to control their every move.  Dating abuse eventually turns into domestic violence, which costs our federal government over 8 billion dollars every year and 1/3 of all women murdered in our country are brutally killed at the hands of their initmate partners.
     May 3, 2011 marked the year anniversary since the brutal murder of Yeardley Love by her boyfriend, whom she had tried to break up with.  They were both star lacrosse players at the University of Virginia, just a few weeks away from graduating and starting the rest of their lives.  When I met with Assemblyman Bucco to propose the SAFE DATING LAW, I told him the gruesome story of how Yeardley's boyfriend murdered her by breaking into her apartment and beating her head against the wall until she was dead.  Her college roommates found Yeardley the next morning lying in a pool of blood.  Yeardley Love was said to be one of the nicest young women that you could ever meet.  Her last name "Love" says it all. 
     The list of beautiful young women who have lost their lives by trying to break up with abusive boyfriends is endless and most of these relationships were never physically abusive until the day they were murdered.  Each story is strikingly similar in the chain of events that leads up to the murders.  If these young women had been educated about dating abuse and how to get out of an abusive dating relationship safely, the ending of the story probably would have been much different and they would be able to share their stories with us today.
     I want to give a great BIG THANK YOU to Governor Christie, the NJ Assembly, the NJ Senate, and specifically Bruce Sisler and Matt Weitzel for all of their hard work in passing the NJ SAFE DATING LAW quickly. Thanks to A2920, the kids of NJ will be educated and protected against the risks and dangers of dating abuse...what a beautiful thing!

Do you have a good relationship? Find out right now...

     The goal of being in a good relationship is to be happy together.  Relationships are hard work, but very well worth it.  There are many characteristics necessary to have a good relationship and some of those are:

• You are treated like gold ALL of the time!
• They are trustworthy.
• They are respectful.
• They are honest.
• You actually TALK to each other and don't just text.
• They like your friends.
• They like your family.
• You have a lot in common & have tons of fun together.
• They want you to have other activities & hobbies outside of the relationship.
• They want you to hang out with your friends without them.
• They are supportive of you, your goals, your dreams & plans for the future!

     Healthy relationships should feel good ALL of the time...not just some of the time.  If someone is mean to you, that is called abuse.  You deserve to be treated awesome and I hope that if you haven't found that someone already....you find them soon!  For help in having and finding great relationships, I have written 2 must-read books just for you.  You can also log onto my web site http://www.safedatingcoach.com/ !

7 Secrets for Girls ~ Simple Solutions to Survive Boys & Stay Sane!

Click on the link below to get your copy today:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=7%20secrets%20for%20girls&typ=Title

Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships!

Click on the link below to get your copy today:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=safe%20dating%20for%20college%20women&typ=Title



Thank you for reading my blog & have a GREAT day.  Feel free to post your comments!

In your safety,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen

www.safedatingcoach.com

NJ SAFE DATING LAW A2920 Passes in Full Senate Vote 37-0!

     What a great day it was on Monday March 21, 2011.  I got the honor of sitting on the voting floor in the New Jersey Senate Chambers and watching them vote on A2920 the NJ SAFE DATING LAW.  It was unanimous 37-0.  It brought tears to my eyes & joy to my heart!  I proposed the SAFE DATING LAW to Assemblyman Bucco just last May 2010, then testified for the Assembly & Senate, and now I can't believe it has been passed in less than a year.  What an impact this will have on kids in NJ, as well as across the nation.  There is nothing more important than learning how to have a healthy relationship, whether it is with yourself, your family, friends, or significant others.  A2920 will do exactly this.  The SAFE DATING LAW requires all public middle & high schools grades 7-12 to add SAFE DATING to their annual health curriculum, as well as develop a dating abuse policy for the school district.  NJ kids will be educated about what a healthy relationship is and is not and what to do if they suddenly find themselves in an abusive dating situation.  1 in 3 teens is reported by Liz Claiborne/Love is Not Abuse to be in an abusive dating relationship. 
     I am the NJ State Action Leader for the national organization Love is Not Abuse and also the owner of Express Yourself Today Counseling Center in Chester, NJ, which specializes in dating abuse & date rape treatment. http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/   I have written 3 great books on SAFE DATING- "7 Secrets for Girls", "Teen Talk for Parents", and "Safe Dating for College Women".  I believe that no matter how good the rest of your life is...relationships trump everything else.  I am so happy that the Republicans & Democrats worked together to pass the NJ SAFE DATING LAW.  Now let's hope Governor Christie signs off quickly, so we can get A2920 put into action.  A great big THANK YOU to everyone who has supported the NJ SAFE DATING LAW and every single person who has supported me in my work with teen dating abuse.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
In your Safety,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

NJ SAFE DATING LAW A2920 PASSES in the full Assembly!

     I am so happy to announce that the NJ Safe Dating Law A2920 passed unanimously in the full Assembly.  What a great day in NJ!  The next & last step is for the full Senate to vote.  We are hoping that it gets put on the agenda in the next few weeks. I proposed the SAFE DATING LAW to Assemblyman Bucco last May 2010 because of the alarming trend of teen dating abuse and the recent murder of Yeardley Love at the University of VA by her boyfriend.  Liz Claiborne's Love is Not Abuse organization did a study that revealed 1 in 3 teens are in abusive dating relationships.  Assemblyman Bucco hit the ground running and worked with many other legislators in NJ to get the bill A2920 written correctly.
     The NJ SAFE DATING LAW will require all public middle schools and high schools to add SAFE DATING EDUCATION to their annual health curriculum.  They will also have to put a SAFE DATING policy in place if there are any incidents of dating abuse that are reported.  Teachers, administrators, kids, and parents will have access to great SAFE DATING education.  If the schools choose to use the Love is Not Abuse curriculum (which is topnotch), then the curriculum & the online staff training is FREE.  Basically kids will learn how to have safe & healthy relationships, what is okay and what is not, and what to do if they suddenly find themselves in an abusive dating situation.
     Thank you to ALL of the legislators- Republican & Democrat that have supported this bill.  The NJ SAFE DATING LAW is going to save lives.  There is nothing more important in life than learning how to have healthy relationships, whether it is with yourself, your family, friends, coworkers, or intimate partners.  Also, a BIG thank you to everyone who supports the work that I do with educating people about SAFE DATING....I couldn't appreciate it more!
In your safety,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

   

Do YOU have a fairy tale relationship?

     Most young girls in America today are being raised to believe that they are beautiful fairy tale princesses waiting for their handsome prince charming to sweep them off their feet, ride off into the sunset, and live happily ever after.  To convince you even further, you read princess books, watch princess videos, play princess games, dress up in princess costumes, and play with princess dolls.  You can buy everything pretty in pink to become your own special princess.  Most girls spend their entire lives daydreaming about their wedding, wearing their princess dress, and starring in their own princess wedding video.
     After the wedding, WHACK...reality is quickly thrust upon you.  Shortly after the honeymoon, more often than not, the prince and princess realize that life is not quite the fairy tale they were brainwashed into believing.  They realize that they are two regular human beings trying to share a life together.  Most new marriages don’t make it past the 1^st year.  If they do, after having a few kids, marital happiness usually declines even more because you have less time to spend together as a couple.  The younger you are when you get married, the higher the chance of divorce.  The REALITY is that the divorce rate is over 50%, so at least 1 out of every 2 marriages ends in divorce- not quite the “fairy tale ending” most people picture.

The moral of the story is that there is absolutely no reason to rush into a serious relationship.  There is so much more to life- ask anyone who has gone through a bad break up or divorce.  You have the rest of your life to get married and have kids.  Now is your time to focus on yourself and live your own life.  Marriage and relationships are hard work, even at their very best.  Yes, it can be romantic, but for the most part marriage consists of the rigors and stresses of daily life- making money, full-time jobs, child care, house & life responsibilities, and LOTS of teamwork.  I want to set you up for success, not failure.  Look around, I’m sure you know a lot of people who are divorced.  Every generation should be getting better and smarter than the one before.  So let's stop pretending that life is a fairy tale and start preparing for REALITY.  The divorce rate would surely decrease if people knew what to expect going into a serious relationship!  So what do you think?  I would love to hear your opinion!

Best wishes for relationship success,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

Author of 3 must-read books on Successful Dating!