TOO YOUNG TO DATE...Why Kids Should NOT Start Dating Too Early!

TOO YOUNG TO DATE!

The United States continues to have the highest teen pregnancy rate among the world's most developed nations.  What does this statistic mean to you?  It means that by allowing your teen/tween to date, you are essentially putting them at RISK, even if he is a “nice boy” or she is a “nice girl” and they make a “cute couple”.  The longer you hold off on the “dating drama”, the safer, smarter, and more successful your teen will be.

A teen’s main focus should be on having innocent fun, developing their own identity, and educating themselves, instead of pregnancy and STD scares, possible abuse, and the heavy responsibilities that accompany dating.  Your teen’s time and energy is MUCH better spent focusing on themselves, their schoolwork, and their future.  They have the rest of their lives to date, so why rush it? The national divorce rate is OVER 50%- adults cannot even get the dating and marriage thing right, so why are parents encouraging and allowing young kids to do it?!?  Think of your past and current relationships.  Is this something you want your teen to rush into?  Or would you rather them take this carefree time in their lives to develop themselves fully into the person they are meant to become.

These statistics are proof that something is drastically wrong in this country.  Teens are being brainwashed by advertisements, media, music, pop culture, and Hollywood with the overall distorted message that “sex is no big deal” and that “everyone is doing it”.  You are what you surround yourself with.  The more they watch television, spend time on the internet, and play video games, the more at risk they become.  Sex sells and marketing companies have been capitalizing on that since the beginning of time.  Kids are inadvertently forced to grow up way too fast and reaching puberty even faster.  They are dealing with adult issues without the maturity level, brain development, knowledge, and experience to handle it safely.

Many well-intended parents are allowing and encouraging their kids to date, so they fit in or are popular, without realizing the consequences.  Some parents are even guilty of trying to live vicariously through their teens.  I heard on the news the other day about a mom who slept with her daughter’s boyfriend and was arrested.  Where have we gone wrong as a society?  Parents need to be the positive role models in their teen’s life and lead by example.

Realistically, the natural course of any dating relationship is sex at some point in time.  Kids start off innocently kissing, move onto fooling around, and eventually end up having sex, whether you want to admit it, believe it or not.  The temptation is constantly there.  The secret is to empower your teen to feel good about themselves, WITHOUT having to be in a dating relationship.

The biggest losers, in my opinion are the girls, who are being raised by our culture to be “sexy” at ridiculously young ages.  The media dictates how they should look, act, eat, and dress.  Girls are being brainwashed to obsess about what they look like on the outside, instead of developing who they are on the inside.  They are defining themselves by their personal relationships, instead of their personal achievements.  The logos that girls wear on their behinds are demeaning and sadly they don’t even know it.  I know this is a fashion trend because I worked in the fashion industry for many years.  However, it is a trend that is advertising your daughters as sex objects, not only to boys, but to sexual predators as well.  As a parent, do you really want other men or boys staring at your daughter’s behind?  Kids don’t know any better, but parents should.  Girls need to be taught how to value and respect their bodies, not exploit them.

The minute teens start dating their focus dramatically shifts away from themselves and school to being obsessed with this new dreamy person.  They might be physically sitting in class, but instead of paying attention they are daydreaming about or texting their new love.  Dating often leads to grades dropping, loss of friends, loss of identity & self-esteem, moodiness, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and lots of unnecessary drama.  Once they break up, you can magnify that intensity times 100 or 1,000 and you are left with a VERY unhappy and depressed teen.

There are crucial developmental reasons to delay teens from dating as long as humanly possible.  Without the brain capability of formal operational thinking, teens cannot foresee the consequences of their actions (especially in the heat of the moment).  If they wait to date, it will give their brain a chance to catch up with their overdeveloped body.  Only then, will they be physically and mentally able to make smart and safe dating choices.  Until that time, it is YOUR job to be their “fully thinking” brain.

Teens whose parents have set an appropriate age or grade to start dating report that they are happier.  It takes the social pressure off and makes them feel more secure.  Meanwhile, they can watch their friend’s dating drama from a safe distance and learn from all of THEIR mistakes.  Dating can alter the course of a teen’s life forever.  If it was all fun and games, then America would not have such devastating statistics, like 1 in 3 teens is in an abusive dating relationship!  Sure, it is good while things are good, but it is REALLY bad when things are bad.  Your heart breaks when their heart breaks.  Dating and broken hearts go hand in hand.  So my question to you is why would you rush your son or daughter into dating?  Let them be kids!

In your safety,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

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