A counseling client asked me yesterday how to tell if her 13 year-old daughter is in a bad relationship. Unfortunately, most parents are the last to find out what is going on with their kids. This is something really IMPORTANT that EVERY parent needs to know. Liz Claiborne did a study in 2009 that revealed that 1 in 3 teens is in an abusive dating relationship. Dating abuse has slowly become the norm in our society today. Please feel free to share this blog with anyone who has kids that are dating.
Your son or daughter is in a bad relationship if:
1- They fight with each other often.
2- They spend a lot of time crying or being angry & moody.
3- They are constantly texting, talking, or messaging their bf or gf.
4- They spend most of their time with their bf or gf, instead of their friends like they used to.
5- Their personality has changed- they used to be happy & fun loving and now they are sad, mad, and not spending time with the family.
6- They have dropped out of activities that they once loved.
7- You know that their bf or gf is mean to them, puts them down, controls them, and is physically, verbally, emotionally, or digitally abusive.
If your son or daughter falls into any of these categories, then you need to do whatever you can to help. Here are a few ideas:
1- Find out for sure if what you suspect is true by reading their texts, e-mails, FB page or by talking to their friends.
2- Take the information you find & sit down to talk to them about it. (If you need help talking to them, I have written a great book called Teen Talk for Parents ~ 7 Secrets for Safe, Smart & Successful Teens on how to approach them the right way so they listen to you. It is available in local bookstores and amazon.com.)
3- Most teens do not want to listen to their parents and unfortunately this is normal. Seek outside help from a counselor or coach- find someone they can talk to about their situation.
4- Provide books/ articles/videos about dating abuse for them to educate themselves. Most kids don’t know they are in an unhealthy dating situation until they are head over heels in love with the person. (I have written 2 great books for girls about Safe Dating called 7 Secrets for Girls ~ Simple Solutions to Survive Boys & Stay Sane and Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships.)
Relationships are the foundation of our life, whether it is with yourself, your family, friends, or intimate partners. There is nothing more important to learn than how to have a healthy relationship. Dating abuse is a very slippery slope toward domestic violence. The FBI reports that 30% of girls & women who are murdered in our country are killed by boyfriends or husbands. Please teach your kids how to protect themselves against this national epidemic, so they can lead healthy, happy & SAFE lives. To read more about what I do you can click on the link below
Thank you for reading this blog & sharing it with people you care about!
All my best,
Dari
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