Giving 'Presence' this Holiday Season!

Giving ‘Presence’ this Holiday Season!

            It is hard not to get caught up in the stress of endless holiday to-do lists:  shopping, holiday cards, cleaning, decorating, wrapping, cooking and preparing.  During the hustle and bustle, we often lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays we are celebrating, whether it is Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or Christmas. 

            In Hebrew, the word "Hanukkah" means “dedication.” The name reminds us that this holiday commemorates the re-dedication of the holy Temple in Jerusalem following the Jewish victory over the Syrian-Greeks in 165 B.C.E. It is celebrated for eight days in honor of the Jewish victory and the miracle of the oil lasting for 8 days to rededicate the temple.

Kwanzaa is an African-American holiday celebrated mainly in America during the week between 26th December and 1st January each year.  The holiday was established in 1966 to help African Americans remember and celebrate their heritage. The word "Kwanzaa" comes from the Swahili language and means "first fruits". Each day of the seven days is dedicated to one of "The Seven Principles of Kwanzaa".

            The Christmas story is the story of the birth of Jesus Christ in the town of Bethlehem, Israel. Jesus "Christ" is known as the founder or central figure of "Christianity." Christmas is a Christian holiday on December 25 that commemorates the birth of Jesus.

            Life is truly a gift, that is why it is called the present.  I believe that the ultimate goal in life is to be ‘present’.  To live in the moment and actually enjoy it, not fretting over the past or worried about the future.  Not getting sucked up in the fast-paced current of life.  Learning how to focus on the here and now.  Our lives pass us by in the blink of an eye.  Days turn into months, which quickly turn into years.  Before you know it, you wake up one day and look yourself in the mirror and ask, “Where has the time gone?”

            My gift to you this holiday season is to encourage you to stop for a few minutes…take a deep breath…and slow down.  Get out a pad of paper and write down your ‘Bucket List’, which is all of the things you want to do before you kick the proverbial bucket.  Now write down on top of a sheet of paper “I Want…” and keep writing until you can’t think of anything else.   What do you want for your life?  Are you living the life you thought you would?  If not, how could you?  What makes you happy?  What makes you unhappy?  What do you need in your life?

Make time to “stop and smell the roses” before they are gone.  Stop trying to produce holidays that you barely remember until you develop your pictures.  Learn how to be present for yourself, first and foremost, and then for those you love and care about.  If you are religious, be present to your higher power, which is the reason you are celebrating the holiday in the first place.

            Somehow we have veered off course and holidays have turned into a frenzy of expensive gift giving, consumerism and commercialism.  The gifts are piled high up in front of the tree, only to be torn open, maybe appreciated, used temporarily, and forgotten about by the time the credit card bill arrives in January. 

            Try as we might, we can’t take our stuff with us when we go.  Many people think the meaning of life is stuff.  They keep acquiring all of these worldly possessions and are still not happy.  Counseling clients say to me all of the time, “I will be happy when I get married, I will be happy when I have a baby, I will be happy when I buy a house.”  But happiness eludes them because they are chasing it.  The secret is to be happy right now and grateful for all of the wonderful things you already have. 

            Soul-filled moments and memories are the meaning of life, not rushing through our lives producing moments that we barely remember because we are so stressed out.  It is easy to wrap up a gift and give it to someone.  However, it is much more memorable and meaningful to slow down and give them the gift of your presence.  Instead of exchanging gifts, go out to lunch, cook them a special meal, make a homemade gift or frame a special picture. 

Instead of stuffing your stockings with gifts, stuff them with little promise notes like:  Play a board game with mom, Read a book with dad, Bake brownies together, collect sea shells at the beach, etc.  Time spent with those you love is priceless and so are the memories.  Give the gift of your ‘Presence’ this holiday season and I promise it will be your best one yet!

All my best,

Dari

Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC

Owner of Express Yourself Today Counseling Center in New Jersey

http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/

dari@expressyourselftoday.com

Tribute to Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

Hi everyone,
Please click on the link below to read my latest article for Domestic Violence Awareness Month:

http://www.dailyrecord.com/article/20111023/NJOPINION03/310230022/Combating-relationship-violence-one-conversation-at-a-time

Feel free to repost & share with others.  Thank you so much for your support!
Best regards,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

America's Safe Dating Coach: Do YOU know about this?

America's Safe Dating Coach: Do YOU know about this?

Do YOU know about this?

Do YOU know the #1 way to prevent date rape in college?

Are YOU partying safe as a college woman?

Your college experience is supposed to be about learning, pursuing a future career, and having FUN! For many women, college is the first time spent away from the close watchful eyes of parents, friends, and family. This is your chance to step out of your comfort zone and experience new things.  When it comes to having fun, the buddy system is an absolute must to keep you safe.  There is always safety in numbers.  Go out as a group or at least with one other friend with the understanding that you will watch out for each other.  As women, we should be watching out for all other women.  We have to stick together- even if you are not “friends” with someone.  If you see or even hear about something that should not be going on, you should do whatever you can to stop it or report it immediately.  When people don’t report things, it allows it to continue.   

Unfortunately, just being a woman puts you at risk and makes you vulnerable.  The Centers for Disease Control report that about 1 in 4 college women is at risk to be date raped.  There are a lot of sick guys out there that get off on drugging girls and date raping them.  I absolutely don’t want that to happen to you.  Never ever go out or to a party alone!!!  Everyone wants to think that it won’t happen to them, but it does.  Just ask a woman who has been raped.  Going out alone makes you an instant target and puts you in immediate danger.  If something happens, there will be no one there to help you or protect you. 

College Party Rules:

·         Be safe & have LOTS of fun! J

·         Always charge your cell  phone before you go out. (A cell phone is no good unless it works!)

·         Carry pepper spray & know how to use it.  (Better to be safe than sorry.)

·         Put a whistle on your key chain that you can blow if someone attacks you.

·         Never go out or to a social function alone.

·         Never leave alone. If you arrive with friends, stay with them, and leave with them.

·         Always watch out for each other- all women must stick together!

·         At night, do not walk alone- call campus security to escort you to wherever you need to go.

·         At night, walk in well-lit areas & don’t wear earphones or talk/text on your cell phone.

·         Do not go outside in public with an open container of alcohol.

·         Do not drive or ride your bike while intoxicated (you can get a DUI or a BUI).

·         Be quiet & respectful of the community around you.

·         Call 911 if you feel like you or someone else is in danger

Please support the work that I do on FACEBOOK with keeping girls & women safe by clicking on the link below & "LIKE" my facebook page for America's Safe Dating Coach.  Thanks so much....I really appreciate it!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Americas-Safe-Dating-Coach/184015558275256

Best wishes for staying safe & having fun!
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
Celebrity Author, National Speaker,  Licensed Professional Counselor
http://www.safedatingcoach.com/

The Profile of Who Date Rapes in College!

There are a lot of personality characteristics that contribute to date rape in college or anywhere for that matter.  Some guys falsely believe that they should be the “aggressor” and the woman should be “passive”.  He might want to “dominate” you or always be in charge.  A guy might think that you are playing hard to get and that “no” really means “yes”.  Miscommunication often happens between guys and girls, especially when it comes to sex.

Guys who commit date rape:

·         Don’t respect your personal space and get way too close and/or touch your body. (Very touchy feely)

·         Don’t listen to you, talk over you, ignore you, and don’t respect what you say or think.

·         Don’t have respect for women in general.

·         Don’t really like women.

·         Don’t like or respect their own mother.

·         Express anger & hostility towards women.

·         Use guilt or make you feel uptight if you resist them sexually.

·         Don’t respect what you want or how you feel.

·         Excessively jealous, possessive, and controlling.

·         Have traditional views of women & men- “Women are there to serve men”.

·         Think of women as “possessions”, “property”, and “sex objects” not human beings.

·         Abuse drugs & alcohol and don’t know their limit.

·         Turn into a “nasty drunk” who can become violent, angry, and sexually aggressive if he doesn’t get his way.

·         Accuse you of cheating or flirting.

·         Likes to be in charge and make all of the decisions- where to go, what to do, etc.

·         Feels very entitled to get what he wants when he wants.

Anyone can turn into a date rapist, even a really nice guy.  However, these are definitely the warning signals to watch out for.  The most important thing to remember is to never go anywhere alone with a guy and no means no!

If you liked what you read so far...click on the link below to get more life-saving information:

http://www.buybooksontheweb.com/Search.aspx?kw=safe%20dating%20for%20college%20women&typ=Title

In your Safety,

Dari Dyrness-Olsen

http://www.safedatingcoach.com/