7 Secrets for Parents
by
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
Published in the NJ Daily Record on 4/1/12
Parenting is a verb
Educate them about drugs
According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, parents who talk to their kids about drugs are 50% less likely to try them. When kids know better they do better. Please don’t be one of those parents who say that it is “just pot”. Marijuana is twice as strong today as it was 20 years ago and it is addictive. Many parents mistakenly think that it is okay for their child because they did it when they grew up. You couldn’t be more wrong. Today is a whole different world where they have easy access to heroin they can snort, highly addictive prescription drugs, and synthetic marijuana that can be fatal. Drug use is a slippery slope that starts with marijuana and ends with more lethal drugs, addiction and in many cases death.
Know the 5 W’s
As a parent, you need to know who your child hangs out with, what they are doing, where they are, when they are coming home and why they are doing what they are doing. Make sure they have a purpose and are not just walking the streets or hanging out at the mall. Smart parents periodically check their kid’s text messages, e-mails, and are “friends” with them on Face Book. If your child has nothing to hide then they should not care. Once your child goes to college, your window of opportunity is closed to make sure that they are on the right road.
Use teachable moments
In my book TEEN TALK FOR PARENTS, I talk about tragic real life stories where normal kids have died as a result of socially using drugs and alcohol. To find these teachable moments, just turn on the nightly news or read the newspaper. Drug abuse does not discriminate. Your children need to know that drug overdose can happen to anyone at anytime. It is much more powerful for them to read about it or see it in real life than for you to lecture them.
Teach them healthy habits
The way you are living right now is shaping your child’s future. Kids learn exactly what they live. Your habits define your success and happiness in life. Are you teaching your children healthy habits? Are you or your kids overweight? Do you exercise? Are you overworked and overstressed? Do you have a healthy balance in your life? One of the most important healthy habits that I recommend to families in counseling is to eat at least one family meal together per day. This keeps you connected to each other’s lives on a daily basis and builds their self-esteem.
Fill their time with positive activities
Fill your children’s lives with positive activities, such as chores, part-time jobs, hobbies, sports, clubs, and volunteering. Encourage them to be active, productive, independent and responsible people. Self-worth and self-discipline are developed by teaching kids how to work hard to earn what they get. Parents who overindulge their kids are setting them up to become unmotivated, self-absorbed, and irresponsible young adults. Limit sedentary activities, such as video games, tv, and computer use. Communicating through technology instead of face to face has caused an increase in social anxiety amongst younger generations. As a result, many are relying on drugs & alcohol to help them function comfortably in social settings.
Focus them forward
Technology allows and encourages kids to get caught up in the social drama that can easily dominate their life. Prevent this from happening to your child by limiting their cell phone and computer use. Their time and energy is much better spent focusing on developing themselves. Focus them forward by getting them excited about their future. I enjoy helping kids every day to find their purpose and passion in life. When kids value themselves and their lives, they are high on life instead of drugs and alcohol. If you or someone you know is abusing drugs or alcohol reach out for help today. Early intervention can save a life!
Dari Dyrness-Olsen is a national speaker, author and owner of Express Yourself Today Counseling Center in Chester, NJ
