Love is Blind!
by Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
Published by the NJ Daily Record on Sunday February 12, 2012
Did you know that the proverbial phrase “Love is blind” was originally coined by Shakespeare and appears in several of his plays? Modern-day research also supports the age-old theory that Love is Blind in a 2004 study by University College in London
People always put their best foot forward when they start out in a dating relationship. However, things are not always what they seem. As time passes, their true self eventually comes out. That is why I often advise people in counseling to take their time when falling in love and don’t rush into a commitment.
It is common practice when our hearts are involved to rationalize the bad behavior of a partner for the sake of being in love. Many people think that having someone is better than no one. If your partner has a problem or an issue, I can almost guarantee that it will probably get worse after marriage and not better.
I see how blind love can be every day in my career because I specialize in relationship violence as a counselor, author, and national speaker. I proposed and worked with NJ legislators to pass the NJ Safe Dating Law A2920 in May 2011, which educates all students in public middle and high schools about dating abuse.
I am writing this article in honor of February being National Teen Dating Abuse Awareness Month and of course to acknowledge Valentine’s Day on February 14th. I work very closely with the national organization Love is Not Abuse, which reports that 1 in 3 teens will be in an abusive dating relationship during high school. Sadly, dating abuse has become the social norm for young people because of the culture they are growing up in.
People wonder why teen dating abuse and bullying is so bad, yet all you have to do to see real life bullying is turn on your television and flip to the latest reality show. Here you can watch real people putting each other down and thriving on the drama that gets good ratings. The irony is that there is nothing real about these reality shows. People are getting paid to cause and be involved in drama. Where are the values in that?
Love was definitely blind for reality star, Kim Kardashian, whose recent marriage lasted only 72 days. I think she was more interested in fulfilling her dream of a 10 million dollar fairy tale wedding, than she was on doing the work necessary to have a successful and happy marriage. This is a good example that life is not a fairy tale and neither are relationships. Both take hard work and commitment.
Couples ask me all of the time in counseling how to fix their broken relationships. My best analogy to a healthy and happy relationship is comparing it to a garden. The first step to gardening is preparing the soil, which is very similar to preparing yourself for a healthy relationship. You want to make sure that you have a healthy relationship with yourself first before you can have one with anyone else.
The next step is to plant the seeds. The seeds for a healthy relationship are asking yourself the questions- Is your relationship an equal partnership? Can you communicate effectively? Do you treat each other with respect all of the time? Do you agree on how to raise children? Do you agree on finances? Do you have the same vision for your future? I guess Kim Kardashian did not ask herself these questions before she rushed to the altar.
If you don’t water a garden, it will dry up and die. Just like if you don’t nurture your relationship, it will end. I recommend to couples, especially after they have kids, to make time to spend together as a couple on a weekly basis. Your family is only as strong as your marriage. Some day your kids will grow up and leave.
Every garden has weeds, just like every relationship has issues. If you don’t stay on top of them, they can multiply quickly. If you don’t deal with the issues as they appear, then they can overwhelm your relationship. Counseling is a great way to overcome any issues that may pop up.
The more you nurture your relationship, the more you can enjoy the fruits of your labor. Great relationships take constant work, but the results are well worth it. This Valentine’s Day make sure to do something special for the person you love. Women love romance, flowers, candy, cards, and chocolate. Love may be blind, but you don’t have to be!
3 great books written by Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC:
Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships
Teen Talk for Parents ~ 7 Secrets for Safe, Smart & Successful Teens
7 Secrets for Girls ~ Simple Solutions to Survive Boys & Stay Sane
For more information about Dari Dyrness-Olsen log onto
