Friday, May 27, 2011

Do YOU love yourself?

In order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else in your life, you need to learn how to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST (Secret #1 in my book 7 Secrets for Girls!).  I am talking about unconditional love, as is, here and now, no matter what.  Loving yourself is the best gift you could possibly ever give to you.  It seems like such a simple thing, but most people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth, especially girls and women.  If you do not love yourself, then how do you expect someone else to love you the way you deserve to be loved? 
Everyone is born with high self-esteem.  So what the heck happens to it between the time you were young and now?  I will tell you what happened to it.  Over time you receive negative messages from the world, the media, your family, friends, intimate partners, and significant others that chip away at your self-esteem.  Unfortunately, the most important people in your life should be giving you positive reinforcement and feedback and instead they are often very critical and mean.  I say shame on them.  But, you will never know why they act like they do.  Maybe their parents were mean to them and the cycle has just kept repeating itself, which by the way is absolutely no excuse.  Usually people are so unhappy with themselves and their lives that they feel the need to take it out on everyone else around them.  Regardless of the reason for this bad behavior, this is where you need to step in and take back control of your life because we only have one chance to do it right and find happiness.  No one else is going to do it for you.  Today is your day, so let’s get going. 
You need to love yourself no matter what is going on in your life.  It is funny how sometimes you think that if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband that suddenly your life will get better.  Then you finally get one and you are still not happy.  Most people try to replace what is missing within themselves with other people.  It does not work.  The truth is that you need to be happy with yourself and your life today and the rest will fall into place.  If you do not love yourself, no one else will be able to love you properly.  EVERYONE deserves to be loved and treated like gold. 
Do you love yourself?  Do you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror?  Do you say positive things to yourself?  If not and you liked what you read so far, you can definitely learn how to love yourself by clicking on the link below to get a copy of my book 7 SECRETS FOR GIRLS ~ SIMPLE SOLUTIONS TO SURVIVE BOYS & STAY SANE!  I learned how & I can’t wait to teach you…it is so much easier than you think!

All my best,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen, MA, LPC
America's Safe Dating Coach




Friday, May 6, 2011

NJ Governor Christie signs the Safe Dating Bill into law on May 5, 2011!

      Yesterday Governor Christie signed the NJ SAFE DATING BILL A2920 into law.  I can hardly believe that it is real.  In less than a year, NJ legislators came together and did something great for the kids of NJ.  A2920 requires all middle and high schools, grades 7-12, to add SAFE DATING to their annual health curriculum.  The curriculum is free and the online staff training is free, sponsored by Love is Not Abuse.  Basically they will learn what dating abuse is and how to protect themselves against it. 
     Most people don't realize the dangers that surround dating.  I do because I own a counseling center in NJ called Express Yourself Today http://www.expressyourselftoday.com/ and I specialize in treating dating abuse and date rape victims.  Dating abuse has become a national health crisis and has slowly become the norm in our society.
     So many people ask me on a daily basis why that is?  It is because kids do not know what a healthy relationship is and is not, whether it is because they have divorced parents, single parents, or a result of violence in society today.  Sadly, girls don't realize that their boyfriends shouldn't call them names, be mean to them, and try to control their every move.  Dating abuse eventually turns into domestic violence, which costs our federal government over 8 billion dollars every year and 1/3 of all women murdered in our country are brutally killed at the hands of their initmate partners.
     May 3, 2011 marked the year anniversary since the brutal murder of Yeardley Love by her boyfriend, whom she had tried to break up with.  They were both star lacrosse players at the University of Virginia, just a few weeks away from graduating and starting the rest of their lives.  When I met with Assemblyman Bucco to propose the SAFE DATING LAW, I told him the gruesome story of how Yeardley's boyfriend murdered her by breaking into her apartment and beating her head against the wall until she was dead.  Her college roommates found Yeardley the next morning lying in a pool of blood.  Yeardley Love was said to be one of the nicest young women that you could ever meet.  Her last name "Love" says it all. 
     The list of beautiful young women who have lost their lives by trying to break up with abusive boyfriends is endless and most of these relationships were never physically abusive until the day they were murdered.  Each story is strikingly similar in the chain of events that leads up to the murders.  If these young women had been educated about dating abuse and how to get out of an abusive dating relationship safely, the ending of the story probably would have been much different and they would be able to share their stories with us today.
     I want to give a great BIG THANK YOU to Governor Christie, the NJ Assembly, the NJ Senate, and specifically Bruce Sisler and Matt Weitzel for all of their hard work in passing the NJ SAFE DATING LAW quickly. Thanks to A2920, the kids of NJ will be educated and protected against the risks and dangers of dating abuse...what a beautiful thing!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Do you have a good relationship? Find out right now...

     The goal of being in a good relationship is to be happy together.  Relationships are hard work, but very well worth it.  There are many characteristics necessary to have a good relationship and some of those are:
  • You are treated like gold ALL of the time!
  • They are trustworthy.
  • They are respectful.
  • They are honest.
  • You actually TALK to each other and don't just text.
  • They like your friends.
  • They like your family.
  • You have a lot in common & have tons of fun together.
  • They want you to have other activities & hobbies outside of the relationship.
  • They want you to hang out with your friends without them.
  • They are supportive of you, your goals, your dreams & plans for the future!
     Healthy relationships should feel good ALL of the time...not just some of the time.  If someone is mean to you, that is called abuse.  You deserve to be treated awesome and I hope that if you haven't found that someone already....you find them soon!  For help in having and finding great relationships, I have written 2 must-read books just for you.  You can also log onto my web site http://www.safedatingcoach.com/ !
7 Secrets for Girls ~ Simple Solutions to Survive Boys & Stay Sane!
Click on the link below to get your copy today:
Safe Dating for College Women ~ 7 Secrets for Dating Safely, Building High Self-Esteem & Developing Healthy Relationships!
Click on the link below to get your copy today:


Thank you for reading my blog & have a GREAT day.  Feel free to post your comments!
In your safety,
Dari Dyrness-Olsen